About this Playlist
You can listen to the songs in this playlist on my public profile in the Apple Music app under the Narcissism playlist.
These songs contain adult content, sex, explicit language, violence, drugs, and politically incorrect statements. It is at your own risk. And it is definitely not suitable for children and teenagers.
This playlist is under construction!
Without Me – Halsey, 2018
Official Music Video (I like this song, but I didn’t like the video. It’s very aggressive and romanticises toxic relationships. It’s better to just listen to the music because the images spoil the experience.)
This song is so cute and sad at the same time. Despite being a love song, the dynamics it describes apply to many types of narcissistic abuse. So, let’s do a little imagination exercise and consider the woman in the story as the empath victim and the man as the narcissist.
The song begins with her describing how she found the narcissist in a difficult situation and helped him get back on his feet, how she was willing to catch him if he fell without worrying about what others thought of her.
She found him when his heart was broken and filled his cup until it overflowed. But we can also think of a relative who got involved in debt or drugs, and she helped him get back on track. A boss with a chaotic professional life, who she tried hard to organise for him. Or even a friend who was taking reckless paths, and she thought she could open his eyes to his bad decisions.
In this first part of the song, the empath victim takes on the role of “saviour”. This is a narcissistic trait of the victim. She thinks she can save the narcissist, which is a huge illusion. Narcissists do what they want, simple as that.
Then the cycle enters the devaluation phase. The narcissist gets up and starts abusing her. This is when the victim becomes extremely confused and exclaims: “I don’t know why!” She doesn’t understand anything. She overlooked the red flags because her love was blind.
The chorus is the saddest and most powerful part of this song. Putting people on pedestals is never healthy. But in relationships with empaths, when we express our adoration and admiration for the other, it brings us closer and connects us with that other person, whether through reciprocity or gratitude.
But relationships with narcissists are precisely as this song describes: the more we put them in the sky, the further away they stay from us. This reinforces their sense of superiority, and the cycle enters a new dynamic. The narcissist causes pain and confusion to the victim, which is more pleasurable for him than receiving love and positive reactions from her.
And, faced with all this, the victim becomes irritated and confused… “Tell me, how’s it feel sittin’ up there? Feeling so high but too far away to hold me! You know I’m the one who put you up there. Name in the sky, does it ever get lonely?” She cries out in agony.
In fact, narcissists are surrounded by people, but they are lonely inside. Paranoid and addicted to supply, they trust no one. And they push away the people who love them most and want the best for them.
In desperation, she questions: “Thinking you could live without me!” Oh, poor thing… If he is a narcissist, he sure can.
The Heart Wants What It Wants – Selena Gomez, 2014
Combined with the video, this song is a trauma bond manual!
The Narc Thesaurus is all here: love bombing, gaslighting, hot and cold, silent treatment, ghosting, triangulation, mirroring, etc. It’s not her “heart” that wants it; it’s her “addiction” to drama and the abuser.
She ignored several red flags, including his own advice. The narcissist warns you about what he is and what he’s going to do to you. But she can’t break free because she’s addicted to this adrenaline rush of highs and lows.
It applies to other cultures, too. After all, she is an American singer with Latin influence, but the man’s profile in this video greatly appeals to the South American audience.
Notice that he mixes assertiveness with sweetness, masculinity with kindness, and powerful posture with vulnerability. He’s a gentleman with malice.
And that, my dear friends, is the secret of many men in the tropical lands. The problem is that if he is a narc, he will use this contrast to trap you in toxic dynamics. And if this game also works very well in your culture, be alert.
The most revealing and dangerous part of this song is: “This is a modern fairytale. No happy endings, no wind in our sails. But I can’t imagine a life without the breathless moments breaking me down.”
This reasoning is dangerous because it glamorises abusive relationships and gives the impression to the new generations that this is the latest “reality”. Modern relationships will be fleeting and complicated, period. And there is no way to escape it. Enjoy it while it lasts.
The official video has almost 1 billion views. Millions and millions of young people are learning this mistaken and evil lesson. These are narcissistic values dictating our culture and establishing poisoned standards of romance.
Open your eyes! There is a healthy world out there where relationships are not liquid and do not need to be a roller-coaster. And love can indeed have a happy ending. But not with that kind of guy… better alone than in bad company.
The Phantom of The Opera – Musical, 1986
Check out this post for my analysis of this musical and the film The Phantom of the Opera.
