I confess that for a while, I was obsessed with watching documentaries and content about people who claim to have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as other disorders, such as sociopathy and psychopathy.
The more I watched, the more shocked I became by realising the gravity of the problem. Both in our own daily lives and in society as a whole.
I started having nightmares. I once dreamed that a psychopath wearing a long black cape was chasing me in the middle of the night on the deserted streets of London. I woke up gasping for breath before he caught me. And I almost became a corpse in a book about Sherlock Holmes. That night, I witnessed the sunrise without being able to sleep properly.
On another occasion, I watched a shocking interview about serial killers who deceived their families, neighbours and coworkers for years until the police caught them. I was so impressed and tense that I decided to listen to music to relax before sleeping.
In the dark, I was standing in our bedroom, selecting songs, when I turned around and suddenly came across the following scene…
My husband was right behind me, looking sleepy. His face was illuminated from bottom to top by the flickering light of his cell phone. It looked like those dramatic lights in a horror movie. With the music on my headphones, I didn’t hear him approach me, and I was in a terrible fright.
I let out a Halloween-like scream that I’m sure my readers heard in Europe! (Remember that horrible roar? Yes… it was me.) I almost gave Beto a heart attack.
Let’s say he wasn’t flattered when I told him why I was so nervous. Beto advised me not to watch those things before going to bed. And I had to agree. After all, I couldn’t close my eyes that night.
Around three in the morning, after hours of staring at the ceiling, I decided to recur to medicine. That was all I needed! Two years stuck at home during the pandemic and, as far as I can remember, not a single sleeping pill. And now, narcs and psychopaths are making me fall back on “drugs”!
The fact is that documentaries and content about or produced by narcissists and psychopaths can be shocking, explicit, vulgar, controversial, politically incorrect and, sometimes, frightening1. Therefore, if you decide to embark on this path, it is at your own risk! “You have been warned, Miranda…”
This brings me to the question in the title: Should we consume this kind of stuff? And even more, should I endorse this kind of content on my blog?
Despite the reluctance to give virtual supply, audience and money to these people with nebulous intentions, I understand that self-awareness is the first step towards seeking therapy and medical treatment.
So, content from self-aware narcissists and psychopaths can inspire other people with the same problems to recognise themselves and seek help. Many of these online narcissists claim to be under psychological and psychiatric care. And that they are living a more harmonious life with their families and society.
If it is true, that is great. Narcissists and psychopaths are also human beings. And hope is the last thing to die. So, that gives me some comfort.
But even if what they say does not exactly correspond to the facts, after all, psychopaths and narcissists are compulsive liars, bringing up the discussion about mental health is already something.
In terms of my benefit, I am attracted to the incisive and transparent way these diagnosed people usually approach the subject. The big difference in their content is not so much the information, what they say about narcissism and psychopathy, but how they say it: in the first person.
The reason I am obsessed with you is because you are my property. A toy that I use to get whatever I want, manipulate however I want, treat however I wish. You are something that belongs to me and that I do not lend to anyone. And it irritates me that someone else is playing with you, not me.
What do I want from you? I want to play. I want you to be my inferior slave.
I sabotage your career by doing “this and that”.
I smear you at work using my flying monkeys “this and that” way.
I despise your simplicity and your contentment with life. And I will not stop until I destroy your happiness.
And so on. You get the idea.
As I listened to these narcs speak, faces appeared before me as if they were the inner voice of real people that I consider narcissistic: politicians, celebrities, public figures, intellectuals and, unfortunately, even people I know. I have already confessed here that I live in Narc-land.
Digging deeper… Some videos of the Israeli narcissistic psychopath2 are so autobiographical to me that if I replaced the word “narcissist” with real names, it would all be true. At first, listening to what he was saying was quite difficult. The degree of identification with some of the content was disturbing.
It is shocking to think that a person in Israel, on the other side of the world, can describe, in detail, the dynamics that are happening to me in Brazil. This made me believe that, in fact, we are talking about psychological patterns that can be identified, diagnosed and studied.
I was particularly struck by a sequence of content that I heard from various sources about cerebral narcissists. I ended the sequence with an audio from a British narc3 mauling this type of narcissist.
That was so strong I felt dizzy when I finished. I was literally sick for a few hours.
My husband asked, “Ana, why are you doing this to yourself? Don’t watch these things if it’s not doing you any good!”
I answered him… “A Clockwork Orange!”5 I was referring to the classic film of the same name, in which the protagonist receives controversial “shock” treatments to bring him back to reality.
I couldn’t watch this film because it seemed too violent right away. But that’s the nickname I gave to this process. I don’t recommend it to everyone; each person will react differently to this type of controversial approach.
It worked for me. I can say that I finally got the message. Let’s call this Clockwork Orange thing a “good trauma”.
Since watching documentaries and content about people diagnosed with mental disorders was important to me, I think it is a matter of intellectual honesty to mention this here on the blog. It was a necessary part of my process of becoming aware of narcissism, psychopathy and toxic behaviours.
Do you like playing with fire like I do? Then watch these narcs talking about how they act and see for yourself the danger of a possible third-degree burn. In the first person!
Expect to spend some sleepless nights because of this. A side effect of the “treatment”.
Notes
1 – Content Produced by Narcissists and Psychopaths
See here some examples of content produced by self-aware narcissists or psychopaths. Again, I warn you, it is at your own risk…
If Narcissist Were HONEST about Your “Relationship” – Prof. Sam Vaknin
Envious of Your Contentment – HG Tudor, Knowing the Narcissist
Ultra Malice: I Want – HG Tudor, Knowing the Narcissist
Obsessing Over You: The Narcissist’s Need to Control – Ben Taylor, Raw Motivations
Why some narcissists won’t leave you alone or let you go – Lee Hammock, Mental Healness
2 – Sam Vaknin
Sam Vaknin is one of the pioneers in the production of content about narcissism.
He was a child prodigy and became a successful financial man until he was arrested for white-collar crimes. And, in prison, he confirmed his diagnosis. According to his reports, he is a narcissist and a psychopath.
Sam’s writings and videos are highly acidic and politically incorrect. And he brings his own theories on various subjects in a controversial way.
3 – HG Tudor
HG Tudor is a pseudonym. He is a kind of Elena Ferrante of the narcworld.
HG does not appear in his videos. His strong voice and charming English accent are probably digitally altered. Otherwise, it would be challenging to remain anonymous for so long.
Discussions about his real identity on the forums are hilarious. The assumptions range from him being an old lady who pretends to be a man to an American drug addict who pretends to be English.
HG says he has been diagnosed with psychopathy and narcissistic personality disorder. The way he daily criticises without mercy that “semi-royal” celebrity couple (Harry and Meghan) indicates that we are talking about someone devoid of empathy.
HG Tudor does not regret his manipulations as a narcissist and psychopath. And he makes it quite clear that he creates content about narcissism for his own benefit.
His books and videos are incredibly acidic and politically incorrect.
5 – A Clockwork Orange, directed by Stanley Kubrick, 1971. Based on the 1962 novel of the same name, written by Anthony Burgess.
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Alberto Nogueira Veiga and all who gave me their precious feedback. I would also like to thank the authors, researchers and content producers on narcissism, psychopathy, and toxic behaviours in work management for opening my eyes to this crucial issue.
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Published on my blog in Portuguese on September 17, 2024: Laranja Mecânica: Deveríamos consumir conteúdos produzidos por narcisistas e psicopatas?
